Rant Wheel #1

By Spencer Bowen Inspired by the unstoppable Crooked Media conglomerate, I’ve decided that a few tasteful rage outbursts might help me get through these troubled times. Welcome to the first (and maybe last?) Antland Rant Wheel. Tom Brady Tom Brady is 40 freaking years old and remains the best NFL quarterback without a broken clavicle….

No Pack No

By Derek Nelson Earlier today, the pride of Cal Berkeley (GRAHH) noted that the Jaguars could be the solution to Niner fans’ woes. I am inclined to agree; teal is a great color, their owner looks like Ron Jeremy with a better mustache, and Blake Bortles is kinda sorta okay at football (see the sabermetrics…

Go… Jags?

By Spencer Bowen The Jacksonville Jaguars, quarterbacked by a man who will likely found a moderately successful chicken and biscuit chain someday, can do no wrong. Once you get over how weird it feels to say “the Jags can do no wrong,” consider this: They’ve… made great draft picks recently? With the exception of the…

A Modest Proposal: The NL West

By Spencer Bowen NL West The Colorado Rockies‘ overall look has aged nicely. They’ve got some handsome home whites (above), some boring but not bad aways, and a purple alternate that is very purple but, hey, it’s a team color. Overall it’s a very nice uni- OH NO. The Rockies should – no, must – eliminate…

LaMelo Ball’s Shoe Video: A Critical Examination

By Spencer Bowen The Ball Family features one actually-proven-to-be-good basketball player, yet they’ve entered the national mainstream through a combination of hubris, boorishness, and ridiculous business ventures. Marketing mastermind LaVar Ball decided that his 16 year-old son LaMelo needed a signature shoe and came up with this monstrosity. Besides probably forfeiting LaMelo’s amateur status, Big…

Suspend Cam Newton

By Spencer Bowen   Cam Newton, statuesque quarterback of the Carolina Panthers, officially sucks. I’ll quote from SI.com: Jourdan Rodrigue, a Panthers beat reporter for The Charlotte Observer, asked Newton a perfectly reasonable question about Devin Funchess’s physical style of running routes.  Newton started chuckling to himself before she was finished with her question. He then…

It’s Time for a New National Anthem

By: Tyler Chuck The recent National Anthem controversy has led me to the question of why we even play the anthem at sporting events in the first place.  The Washington Post has a fantastic story on the history of the National Anthem at sporting events.  In short, the article says that there isn’t a good…

Taylor vs. Katy: The Diss Track Edition

By Caitlin Glassman For reasons no one really understands, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry have declared themselves enemies. I mean, there are reasons—ranging in severity from a love triangle involving John Mayer (really?) to allegations of KP “stealing” Taylor’s backup dancers to Katy filming herself dancing along to Kanye West’s lyrics about Taylor in his…

Boogie Knight

By Spencer Bowen Athlete activism is at the forefront of our discourse, the result of extraordinary political times and the concentration of black Americans in our most popular sports leagues. “Stick to sports,” the laziest and lamest of Twitter-era critiques, has never seemed more out of touch. And DeMarcus Cousins, woebegone Sacramento King and the…

The IT Trade

By: Tyler Chuck The NBA is abuzz again, jolted with an offseason that’s been more exciting than the season itself.  Yesterday, the Cleveland Cavaliers sent Kyrie Irving to the Boston Celtics in exchange for Isaiah Thomas, Jae Crowder, Ante Zizic, and the Brooklyn Net’s 2018 unprotected first round pick. First of all, I love this…

The Three Musical Moments Better Than Kesha’s High Note on “Praying”

By Spencer Bowen Calvin Harris and crew probably peaked too early with “Slide.” “Despacito” was (is?) inescapable and sexy and suave, but Justin Bieber doesn’t know the words so it’s disqualified. “HUMBLE.” brought us to our knees, but it was somewhat routine from the best rapper of the last decade. Demi Lovato’s fourth quarter push…

A Modest Proposal: The NL Central

By Spencer Bowen NL Central The Chicago Cubs feature a gorgeous home set, a fairly standard road grey look, and an overused and mediocre blue alternate. But something fairly important happened in the blue tops, so we can’t get rid of those. Instead, the Cubs should replace the current “Chicago” lettering on the road unis…